Sunday, November 9, 2014

What Was I Thinking?!?

I did it! I signed up for National Novel Writing Month. Fifty thousand words in the month of November. You know me, I have the gift for gab. Until I need it. Then I shut right up tighter than a vault. My lips are sealed. I'm great when I don't have to be.

I must be insane.

Also, I have an intense fear of rejection. What if by some grace of god I manage to write these
50, 000 words and then upload them and I am ridiculed, laughed at. What if the real writers take their toys and move to the other sand box? Obviously, I am an imposter. Ugh! 

I have talent. At least I think I do. And whether I do or I don't, I adore writing. I am at peace when I write. I feel like I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing when I am laying out words. It almost doesn't even matter what; a letter, a story, a poem; you name it and I love to write it. It is heaven. But I have absolutely no training. Some days I am hard pressed to remember the difference between a verb and an adverb. I suck at punctuation. And my sentence structure would probably make a grade 6 English teacher weep. Seriously, I was not concerned with how words worked when those lessons were being taught only that they did and I loved them.

Clearly, I am insane.

So far, I have written just over three thousand words. Every time I sit down to write, I read the whole thing from the beginning. I agonize over my choice of words. I have a dictionary and thesaurus open all the time. I have no idea how to build character or set the scene or form a plot. I let the words bleed from my brain through my fingertips and into the keyboard. I am flying by the seat of my pants. And I am loving every minute of it. But I am terrified.

Wish me luck.